I recently started thinking about how it is possible for someone to admire and enjoy your insights and ideas, and not be fond of you as a leader or as a person. If we can all learn from someone, it means we can even learn from people we don’t like or who don’t like us. And this is exactly why we must not confuse those, “I want to pick your brain,” requests for anything other than what they are-an exchange of ideas. Coming to this realization often leaves us feeling disappointed, dejected, and even used. That’s right. I said it: used.
As a leader there will be times when you feel used, undervalued, and like a pawn in someone’s game of chess. That’s why you cannot confuse someone’s desire for your insight, knowledge, and expertise, with an invitation for a friendship or an attempt to build a strong and trusting collegial relationship. Quite simply they want what you think, your ideas, and quite frankly may not give a damn about you as a person at all. When one comes to this realization it can hurt, especially if you’ve presumed that one had good intentions in asking for your insight.
The reality is this: Leaders who intend to be successful might work especially hard to have folks with right strengths, talents, and skills around them to help carry out their vision. Building a strong team with diverse experiences can help expedite success, but just because someone ask you to be on their team doesn’t mean they can fully appreciate you beyond your ideas and input. After all it is work, and that is the primary purpose of our professional experiences. And while we should not take it personally, we often do-at least I do. I tend to believe that when someone ask for my opinion, it is because they value me as a person and a professional, but over time I’ve learned not to confuse the two, and how important it is to not blend my personal identity with my professional reputation. While both impact each other, they are not the same. I am not my job. My job is not all of me. Each has its’ rightful place, but must remain in balance for an equally harmonious professional and personal life.
I hate feeling used. But I realize I am in control of the offerings I make, the connections I develop and sustain, and the insights I share and how I share them. I’ll be operating with a lot more intention in the coming year. Sharing, caring, and connecting with intention and deliberateness. While this will help me to make sure others do not take my intellect for granted or that I end up feeling used, it will mostly be a bold demonstration of self-love. Loving myself enough to know not everyone deserves access to my intellect. And I mean that in the most humble way of all.
Until next time, be you! Be true! Be a hope builder!