One of my biggest challenges as a leader has been strengthening my resilience. From the outside, it may appear that I have approached challenges with vigor and persistence, pushing through tough situations and times with a smile. On the inside, there’s a different story. I’ve had to learn over the years not to replay my mistakes in my mind over and over and over again in an attempt to analyze where things went wrong. It’s taken me some time and a ton of experience to understand that healthy reflection includes resilience instead of a long period of deep self-disappointment. Acknowledge the error. Make note of what you could have done differently. And most importantly, move on, and do so with haste. In the early years of my leadership, mistakes seemed to linger longer than they should have and in ways that were not productive. I struggled greatly with being a perfectionist and became a pro at worrying about everything and anything. In 2017, I found myself in a toxic relationship with worry. Even now when I tell folks that they tend to look at me rather puzzled. They almost always say, “I’d never know it. You seem so confident.” But we all know things are not always as they seem. While my confidence is at the best level it’s been in my leadership journey, it hasn’t always been that way. I remember turning 40 in 2017 and thinking that I had spent what could potentially be half my life worrying, and on my birthday I decided I’d worry no more. My relationship with it had made me a leader who lacked resilience and I began to focus on bouncing back rather than being all consumed with making an error.
Here’s the truth about leadership: If you are a leader, you are going to make a mistake. The best thing you can do is spend time working on how you will move on and beyond your errors rather than wallowing in them. Analyze your relationship with reflection and make sure it isn’t toxic. We have a tendency to misrepresent what it means to be a reflective practitioner. Here’s what it doesn’t mean-over indulging in guilt, which can manifest into self-doubt and a lack of confidence. Self-doubt and humility are not synonymous, and all too often leaders operate as if that is the case. Humility means you recognize everything is bigger than you, including your purpose, and it is precisely the reason we ought to be more resilient in our leadership journey.
As a young student in elementary school, my teachers often wrote about how conscientious I was-it’s how I learned what the word meant (report card comments). It’s my nature. I want to do a great job and I was reared to always do my very best. Momma wasn’t having it any other way. But I have finally learned that my conscientiousness cannot be a handicap to my confidence. Leaders must believe in themselves, and we demonstrate that by practicing vulnerability and resilience in equal measure. It makes us more authentic and most importantly, it gives us freedom rather than fear. And we all know that freedom feels better.
Until next time, be you. Be true! Be a hope builder!